Saturday, April 07, 2012
There is always this conflict of interest within, this struggle within oneself. I would have this impulse to be unhappy, throw some tantrum when the feeling comes. But then, who am i to even do that? And I have to start talking myself into being understanding and tell myself that they are the facts of life. Convincing myself that it is not worth it to show any sign of unhappiness, telling myself that I've been out of the norm for a really long time that i forgot the norm. And how can i be upset over this norm. Telling myself that how good daddy in heaven has been to me to let someone near to perfection be part of my inner circle. So perfect that I've become a second hand inferior good.
But now, i can feel my heart rejecting my mind. My heart refuse to listen to what my mind has to say.
There is this fear that my heart might fully reject my mind. And I cant even convince myself anymore. Not knowing the unexpected scares me.
All these conflicts makes me feel so awful, so tired. I really feel tired.
=[eT]=@1:33 AM
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