MoNkEy SeE mOnKeY dO

2012-01-26T18:11:00.003+08:00

Conflict of interest - familiarity VS better opportunity

When one is within comfort zone, one would think of better opportunity.

When one has gotten better opportunity, one would sometimes face fear in the face, and start wondering about familiarity.

For sure, familiarity is never good a good choice. But when faced with fear as one's mind starts getting bored, one would just irrationally think about familiarity

Got to get the mind busy before one starts thinking about stupid things, which might lead to actions, which becomes too often that it becomes a habit.

2012-01-14T01:55:00.002+08:00

The stabbing pain comes each time i feel your sincerity.

The honey

The assuring words

The touch

The looks

It pains me to know how you really deserve better - how you could actually really get someone better

It hurts me to know how I am depriving you of someone better, like how parents feels the pain for their kid when they see their kid with someone, and they know that their kid could get someone better than that someone.

I am really scared that i might hurt u.

2012-01-09T01:23:00.002+08:00

dearest daddy in heaven,

please change all the water into wine (joy) so that i will not be unhappy, and i will not be ranting so much

in Jesus' name i pray

AMEN

2012-01-03T05:56:00.000+08:00

Lamentations 5:22

Are you angry with us still?

2012-01-03T00:36:00.001+08:00

If we had babies they would have your eyes.

2011-12-30T15:55:00.002+08:00

Had the urge to take a cab.

Didn't want to feel the routine.

But i got to learn to be strong.

It's the first few steps to getting out of that routine

现在我有了幸福

2011-12-29T00:07:00.006+08:00

it was a really fruitful day for me today. spent quality time with my lil girl, after which was the partial lAg gathering.

In btw, I was at the salon watching the my lil girl and 2 of her playmates play hide and seek in a salon. So cute that the younger ones are so naive as to hide in places that are so obvious - like sitting on my legs and covering herself with a black covering... LOL~ happy days.. thats what i call childhood, and i would like my kids to have that too (if i do have kids)

As for my lil girl, i just love her so... even though she bullies me often.

The partial lAg gathering was not bad too. Had a good meal, a good chat and all. Most of us had our other half with us, except Jinn ('cause he has work). So she got interrogated about him and we got to know him, as well as what a PUBLIC servant is.

Will we ever have a full lAg gathering in the future? That is the question i've been thinking

As for my other half, really feel so fortunate that he is my other half. The girls were asking about status, which i do not know the answer. But that didn't really bother me. What really mattered to me is that we enjoy each other's company (though there are some issues on my side still - my problems)

Infected and affected

2011-12-27T16:29:00.003+08:00

I feel so affected.

He is everywhere. Anywhere that I go, he is there.

Gotta learn to be strong.

a short reflection before the year ends

2011-12-27T13:24:00.003+08:00

Looking back at the posts 4 years plus ago and I realized that i have changed a lot.

Guess I have learnt to be more rational. Learning to take things as it is and not worry too much about security issues. Funny how those fears still do haunt me once in a while. But i am so glad that i have learnt to cope with them.

Looking back at those days when i had 2 good friends, and we spent a lot of time together, laughing together, doing stupid things together. Then i graduated quite a loner, and I didn't even attend my graduation ceremony.

OMG~ and i was aiming for 1st class honours... WHAT WAS I THINKING THEN? lol~ so far far behind what i wanted. But i am glad to be where i am now. Life still goes on~ :)

Now, no longer with the same guy. No longer talking to those friends. No longer in uni. Found a job that i still love despite the workload. Found a man whom i still can't believe would like me. Found BACK my good old friends in sec sch. Realized how i neglected them so much and i really miss them.

more things that amused me

2007-10-29T00:05:00.000+08:00

mmm... its been really long since i blogged. lol. life's bad. lost the discipline i used to have. keep slping. zzz. exams approaching fast! mmm. must mug le. zzz
anyway. talking bout amusing thing
my bf told me that when he was young, he didn't known how to blow his nose. when he sneezed, his kindergarten teacher held some tissue to his nose and ask him to blow his nose. after trying a few times to "blow" his nose, he told his teacher that he cannot blow his nose. he can only "blow" her nose and she can only "blow" his nose. so cute la! haaaaa...

also right, jeslin and jesmine did amusing things during our maple session at the computer lab. first, jeslin was holding onto the question paper and she asked where the question paper was!! and then right, jeslin placed her phone like near the mouse of the computer. and jesmine mistook it for the mouse (because it was near the mouse) and moved the phone to move the cursor in the computer! lol! my this 2 mei mei-s very very cute la!! hahaaaa...

mmm. dadz nagging for me to slp le. time to slp! =).

University life....

2007-10-10T23:33:00.000+08:00

well! i got my results for econs, EC1301, and out of 44MCQ, i've only got 20 right. in other words, i failed the paper. But my raw score is 15% out of 30%. just passed. sigh. feel the urgency to mug hard now. but i don't know how long this pushing force will be present. hopefully for a long time. lost the discipline i used to have. probably because i haven been mugging for more than 6 mths. need to get the momentum back. so far. 2nd day into mugging, feel like the momentum is coming back. hope it'll stay and be the pushing force. for 4 years. or maybe more if i can make it to masters. quite difficult though. but thats the goal. i want to get at least a 1st class honours. :).
somehow, i feel that i wun do extremely well for maths either. hopefully it'll be some average results. and physics might kill me just like how econs has killed me. lol. didn't mug hard for it. ha
moving on to something else that kinda amused me.
i was chatting with benji, yuan chun, yuan chun's friend (erm. i forgot his name) and jeslin. lol. somehow, we were talking about some stuff, and i said that pretty girls usually have the not good looking boyfriends or husbands and handsome boys usually have the not so pretty girlfriends or wives. benji then shot yuan chun, saying, "yuan chun, then next time you'll have a very pretty wife".. lol! and benji got suan too. when i said that usually couples cover up for one another weaknesses with their strength. yuan chun and his friend then said that next time benji's wife or girlfriend will not a be a flirt. lol.
also, i self declared tuesday to be my off day to accompany my boyfriend. but he assumed that i want to study and went out with his friend. kinda disappointed. but ok. its his one day of the week when he can get some life, other than working, sitting at the shop, rotting his butt away. lol.
oh ya. and today, jeslin and i went for gek1534 tutorial. and there was this guy, (if i don't remember wrongly, his name is shawn) and his voice totally don't match his looks. its like he sounds so boyish, but he looks quite mature and man-ish( not that he was big build or something, just normal but don't have that boy boy look). lol. jeslin thought so too. ha. his voice is quite soft spoken too. was quite shock when he started speaking. yeah. like total mismatch. ha.

Last Mid Term Paper for the week

2007-10-04T23:23:00.000+08:00

guess wad. i realised that i did one qn in my test paper today. haha. its like i know i am suppose to prove it in a certain way. but i forgot to change the statement! argh. for those who understand, i mean i know that i am suppose to use proof by contrapositive. but i forgot to negate the statement! aHhHh! lol. nvm. mid term. think its only 15 or 20 percent. -_-". anyway, left one more mid term paper next week. physics. mmm. i haven even started on it yet. 3 days... enuff? its mcq though. lol. but still. i dunno my work. slpt for physics lecture again today. i think its the lecture theatre. not enuff oxygen or something. sometimes i would fall aslp when i attend lecture there for maths too. lol. but today. i didn't slp during the maths lecture. had the sour sweet that my boyfriend bought for me. but i think jeslin somehow ate too much or something. she was saying funny things and kept laughing. lol! high on sweets. and maybe high on the panadols she ate too, according to jesmine. lol! mmm. dear is gonna take off on tuesday. prob pon the tutorial for econs on tuesday and attend the thursday one with jeslin. lol.

problem lies with me

2007-10-03T23:48:00.000+08:00

Finally deleted all the previous blog entries one by one. And some events just flooded my mind. Happy and unhappy. Somehow, i feel that i am the reason for failed relationships in the past. My lack of trust in my partner, the lack of security. It is all coming back again. I've got to learn to trust. To make myself not think too much and trust in my partner, i've got to keep myself busy. but there is no one i can keep myself busy with. and i start thinking alot again.
"will he just fall out of love with me one day?"
"what to do when this happens?"
"will i just lose him one day?"
i will need to keep myself even busier then. But i feel like there isn't anyone that can do that. and i am really scared. i cannot stand being alone.